TOURNEY #5

       “MASTERPIECE THEATER”

The August tournament was clearly the best one yet –with a great turnout and a finish that kept people hanging around to see who would win the Battle  of the Titans. In some circles, they’ve called a “final table for the ages,” while in others it’s been billed as “a peak at the future of No-Limit Hold’Em. ” Whatever you want to call it or however you choose to describe it – it was some damn good card playing.

 The night started out with 25 (?) players gulping beer and checking out Jesse’s garden (is that gay or what?). That’s right, 25 of the world’s best gathered in Jesse’s Evanston abode to showcase their skills and see how they matched up. Going into the night, Kelly Geertz was in 1^st place, holding a 45-point advantage over Brian, with Tito 65 points back, Big Red trailing by 185 and Noah holding down the 5^th spot – 205 points off the pace.

 As we do every week, let’s take some time to make fun of the 1^st guy out, also known as “pulling a Brungie.” The “Brungie” for August went to none other than Keith, who lasted a while, but still only picked-up a miniscule 20 points for his efforts. Wow, that’s $2 per point. Just think, Keith, if you could pay the league $820, you’d be in 1^st place!

Following Keith were Uncle Donnie, Noah and newcomer Brett “The Basher” Lane. It only cost Brett $70 for 65 minutes of fun. Quoting Steve Martin in the movie Parenthood (after finding out his son learned the “Diarrhea Song” at summer camp), “Ahhh, that was money well spent.”  

Anyway, let’s skip the bottom-half of the finishers and move to the front of the line, where some usual suspects made the final table, including Jake (3^rd final table), Tito (4^th final table), Jason Weiss (3^rd final table), Big Red (4^th final table) and Chris Brown (2^nd final table). Uncle Pat, and Tom Lawler graced us with their presence, staking claim to the final table for the first time each.

 Jake had the hot hand going in and seemed to be holding the big stack, with Ruffino not too far behind. Chris and Big Red were low stacks, but that would soon change – for Big Red anyway.

 Chris would be the first to leave the final table, finishing in a respectable 8^th place. Jason Weiss and Uncle Pat followed suit and ended their nights 7^th and 6^th respectively. Uncle Pat got the short straw (not a penis joke) by having to pay the blind on 4 consecutive hands because guys to his left kept getting knocked out. Sometimes you’re the hammer. Sometimes you’re the nail.

 Now we’re down to the Fab Five – Jake, Ruffino, Lawler, Big Red and Tito.  Lawler moved all-in with a K-J suited and was feeling good about his spot. That was until  Tito called him and showed his K-K. The cowboys held-up and Lawler was out. The other half of the Dynamic Duo, Ruffino, was next. He went all-in with an A-J off-suit and didn’t fare very well – 4^th place. 

It’s now time to take a step back and rewind the TiVo for a glimpse at some classic card playing. You’ll remember that Big Red entered the final table with the low stack, but by the time we get to 3 players – he’s still standing – and on top of several stacks of $1000 chips. (Insert flashback sound effects) 

Big Red’s streak was as amazing as his lovemaking. With 2 tables remaining and just a tad over $3k in chips, he went all-in and knocked out Brungie, claiming his first nametag since the inaugural event. That brought his chip total to about $6500. Next up on the list of victims was Christian, who once held the big stack at the table, but ended up giving his nametag up to Big Red too. Entering the final table with about $13000, Big Red was clearly an underdog.

 Now back to present time  -- Jake, Tito and Big Red remained and the latter has gone all-in 5-6 times by now. Little did Jake and Tito know, but they were in for a surprise if they thought Big Red’s luck – and amazing ability to read his cards and his opponents’ faces – was going to end soon.

Tito went the way of the do-do quickly thereafter, leaving just Jake and Big Red to go head-to-head, mano-y-mano, a duel to the death to see who would be the last man standing.

 This was the first time the two would standoff against one another since that frigid Fall day back in 2001, when they were messing around after Beer Fest at Northwestern and Jake fell in the mud while chasing the Big Fella. Big Red got the better of Jake that day and would do so again.

They traded shots back and forth, exchanging and grabbing the others big blind bets. Neither was willing to go too far out on a limb for the first few hands. Big Red fired the first shot, taking a fat stack of about $40k from Jake, giving him the chip lead for the first time. Once that happened, it was all but destiny for Big Red.

 Fast forwarding to the final two hands (because that’s where the action is) … 

Second-to-last hand … and Big Red puts up a $5k big blind and pulls a 9-3 off-suit. Not this time! He folded and Jake scooped up the scraps. But something happened on the next hand that surprised many in the room – OK, mostly the guy standing behind who were looking at Big Red’s cards. 

With his small blind in play -- $2500 – Big Red once again drew the 9-3 offsuit. Feeling lucky after having won the last 5 consecutive hands he played, Big Red made the call that would change history, “I’m in.”

 Jake called. 

On the flop came the card he’d been waiting for the whole night – another 3. Ok, maybe not, but still good enough to stay in the game with a pair of 3’s and no bet from Jake (big mistake). On the Turn came a 9 and Big Red was feeling good with two pair – 9’s and 3’s.

 “All-in,” he exclaimed, forcing Jake to pay to play. 

Jake obliged, pushing all of his chips into the center of the table and causing a flurry of activity amongst the crowd. This could be it. Big Red could take his place in history. Would it happen?

 Do birds shit on your car?

 Of course it happened, Big Red pulled the 3, completed the full-house and won the US Open … err … the August tournament.

 He’s been called Big Red, Big Fella, Big Daddy, Big Perm, Big Fred, Big Cock, and many other names, but now you can call him “Big Champ!”

 Scrawl his name among the greats. Move over Texas Dolly. Move over Chris Moneymaker. Move over Kelly Geertz. Big Red is here to stay!